I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
