Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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