The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
