It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
