3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Kiss
Puke
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
