I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
