I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
