The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
