Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
