so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
