I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
