keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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