ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
