I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
