i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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