sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
