i just wanna soil my oats bro
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
