Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
