Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
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