Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
