she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
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