things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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