Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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