don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
