I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
