yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
