Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
