She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
