you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
