Are we in a gay sports bar?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
