you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
