Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
