It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
