So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
