Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
