I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
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