fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I supernannyed him into submission
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
