I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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