By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
