please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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