I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
