What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
