a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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