i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
