so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
