Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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