somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
