You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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