So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
