Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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