Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
