hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
